The Shaving

Sam and I took traditional wedding vows.  There is something about vows that have been said for hundreds of years by millions of couples that reins true to the Lord in what we were promising to each other.  I never wanted to write my own vows because I never thought I could perfectly express what those words already were saying. 

 

 I __________________ take thee, _______________ to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish forever, according to God s Holy Ordinance, and thereto I give thee my pledge, until death us do part.

In sickness and in health.  Marriage isn't about just being healthy and just getting all of the highs in life.  Marriage is about the celebrating the successes, but embracing each other through the lows.  I never thought in 3 years of marriage Sam and I would be faced with the challenges that have been brought before us.  

In sickness and in health.  Sam and I both report no cavities in our marriage, healthy physicals, healthy vet visits, and healthy pregnancy and delivery.  I think there is a reason sickness is listed first in the vow of marriage because all couples need to be reminded that you may not both be healthy through your entire life until death do you part.  

In sickness and in health.  Even after my short hair cut the shower was still an emotional experience for me.  Not only staring down to no breasts, but then feeling clumps of hair falling down my back and fearing the need for a plumber when I grabbed my towel.  I asked Sam to shave my head for me.  He agreed, even after me reasking multiple times and even offering to ask my friend Jill to do it for me.  Sam insisted he wanted to do it for me.  

In sickness and in health.  I've cried a lot since my last treatment.  I don't know if it's the change in meds or the change in my appearance or really what.  The most tears I have shed have been the last week.  It took me a whole week to compile my thoughts for this post.  It's been traumatic for me.  Hair is a vanity, but cancer has already taken so much of my femininity, why does it have to take my hair, too?

In sickness and in health.  We walked down to the basement bathroom where I cut Sam's hair for him.  We got out the folding chair and the clippers and cape.  I turned the chair's back to the mirror.  I couldn't watch.  I just couldn't do it.  My hair had been combed funny and was under my hat all day so it was hard to clip short.  Sam tried to joke and lighten the mood, but we both knew what our true feelings were.  When we were finished I looked up to my ever-loving husband, the picture of strength and positivity, to the tears in his eyes.  I apologized to him.  I felt so ugly, so worthless, so helpless, and so sorry that I made him do this to me.  We embraced and both cried for a long time.  Cancer is hard, cancer is really, really hard, but the emotions that are placed on your marriage are the toughest we have ever experienced in our sort 29 years.  

In sickness and in health.  I took that vow in front of God and our family and friends on October 3, 2009; pledging to Sam that I would be by his side no matter what until death do us part.  But, you know what, he took the same vow.  He reminds me daily that beauty is not on the outside, that I am so much more than my hair.  For this, I say, I love you Sam.  This is why God put us together, because we are stronger as two than we are as one.