Taxol 10, 11, and the last one

It has taken me nearly 2 whole months to write about my final Taxol treatments, my final chemo treatment. Chemo became a sense of security for me. It was the one place during the week where I didn’t need to wear a wig or worry about how people would accept me and my cancer. It is a place where I get to be with other women and men who get it. I often times get to see my friends and the nurses who have become my friends. On Taxol 11 I had to say goodbye to my research nurse Brianna. Brianna has been managing the clinical trial that I am a part of. She has visited with me at nearly every single appointment since I have started my chemo journey. We share a lot of laughs and I vent a lot to her. She is there as my nurse and my friend. Brianna is leaving me. Ok, I’m being dramatic, but she left the twin cities to follow her love and continue her journey in life. Brianna often would sit next to my chemo chair and cry with me while I ate my blueberry bagel as the steroid and Benadryl dripped into my vein. I cried and hugged Brianna and thanked her for everything she has done for me. I just can’t imagine being strong enough to dedicate your whole life to helping those with cancer and that is what she has done. She is a tremendous nurse and someone I hope to emulate when I (finally) become a nurse. The last chemo treatment Taxol 12 was bitter sweet. One of my favorite nurses, Julie, was administering my infusion that day. My mom and dad were there and even Camden got to come meet the nurses. We were leaving not long after I finished with the infusion to go up to Duluth; like we had planned to do for over a year. Nothing like cancer to tell you that you can’t plan life. My chemo friend Sally sat in the chair across from me and we both fought to stay awake during the Benadryl. My dad sat next to me and read on his iPad. Although, stoic though all of this, I knew that it pained him to see me in the chemo chair. I’m his baby girl and he is my daddy and he is there to protect me. The infusion went on without event. I had brought bagels to share with the chemo room and I had my usual conversation with lymphoma Joe, breast cancer Cindy, and chemo friend Sally. When we were all finished up I packed up and started to leave. There were tears in my eyes because I wasn’t ready to let go of chemo. Julie took me to the front of the infusion room and announced there was a chemo graduate in the room and all of the patients cheered for me. I cried. I hugged one of my nurses Emily. I hugged Michelle. And I left quickly. I felt like I was abandoning my friends and this secret club we had all become a part of. The Friday Chemo Club.